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Ritualizing Your Flow of Sexual Energy

June 3, 2011 by dakini

“Love is the answer but while you’re awaiting the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.”Woody Allen


Love is beyond pure quantification but SEX is something we CANDIDLY discuss.  We know if it’s good OR bad.


Most SINGLE clients tell me they are looking for love. Will lighting candles or wearing sexy lingerie be enough to “set a fire” in the bedroom?  No! None of these “tips” strike at the core of sex and the physical connection that it implies; they are all supportive of the cause but they are incomplete and more passive than active.


 In the 1883 translation of India’s human sexuality classic, the Kama Sutra., Chapter 4 discusses the setting of a home for “receiving women”; i.e., Sex. After setting up the home with lutes in position, garlands of flowers strategically positioned, a pillow on each side of the bed after taking the afternoon nap, teaching parrots to talk, anointing the body with oils and bathing,  we are  ready to get down to action.


The Kama Sutra emphasized ritual in setting the stage in preparation for a higher passion quotient. Variety is amazing in the bedroom, but a practiced set of rituals, performed like daily exercise, affects how you flow with sex in your life. 
Knowledge of Tantric Bedroom basics can heighten romance and relationship energy in your life and your space, Indeed,  your basic attitudes and behaviors are reflected in your present environment and either make you strong (like exercise) or weaken your energy or “chi” (like excess TV, internet). If you simply clear clutter without habits to keep your place clean, it will go right back to a mess in seconds. The same goes for your sex life.  Before you start changing sheets, you need to change habits to ensure passion and sensuality stay and grow in your life. Ritual is the way of the Kama Sutra; let it be your way.



What new rituals can you install in your home life to boost your sex life? Oysters? Chocolate? Lingerie? Absolutely! Yet beyond the basics, how can you find the rituals that can open your life up to a greater flow of sex? Cultivating great habits of self-love keep you always in the ready.  Self-indulgences go a long way in stoking the flames.


The following  rituals can help you create the most synergy and sensuality in your sex life, setting you up for some powerful bedroom Tantric sexual intimacy.


1. Yoga.  Yoga has radically improved many people’s sex lives, especially women. The evidence is stacked in favor of practicing yoga for better sex. Flexibility is wood energy. Wood energy feeds fire. Fire=Sex. Also, the flexibility, mentally and physically, of yoga creates a more open-minded, free-flowing approach to being sexually creative. Who wouldn’t want to be more creative?…especially in bed!


2. Ylang-Ylang Oil. One single drop of ylang-ylang oil on a piece of unfinished pottery on a nightstand beside your bed every night is a huge sex-drive enhancement. Rose oil is another favorite, but the ylang-ylang is a powerful libido enhancement.  Ladies, clove oil can powerfully attract men. 


3. Learn from the ancients and Angelina Jolie. Indulge in oils and lotions like the ancients did.  Angelina Jolie once said, “I love to put on lotion. Sometimes I’ll watch TV and go into a lotion trance for an hour. I find brands that don’t taste bad in case anyone wants to taste me.” Get yourself a similar routine. Avoid fake fragrances and scents as they are too sweet/cloying.  Neutral, spicy or earthy fragrances like roses, musk, sandalwood or jasmine are  appealing to most. For example, Khiels Original Musk can drive me wild.   Also, patch test oils and read their contra-indications. Essential oils do literally work like a supplement or vitamin would, so be alert to allergies and sensitivities.


4. Mirror-Mirror-On-The-Wall.   Privately find a ritual that you can do with yourself, by yourself  that affirms your sexy. Of course, this is a private ritual, one that you will need to imagine and play with, but it can be very powerful.   You can have your own “I’m so hot and irresistible” moment every day. Keep your mirrors absolutely spotless, and if a mirror directly faces a bed, block it with a canopy or other curtain the best you can while you sleep. However, while you “do other things in bed,” the “doubling” effect of a mirror with a full view of the scenery can double the power of the bedroom action.


5. Get more sleep!  In 2005, the National Sleep Foundation found that close to 25% of couples in the US  have lost interest in sex because they are always so tired. Chapter 4 of the Kama Sutra explicitly includes an afternoon nap in the list of vital activities in every man’s day to prepare to “receive women.” While not realistic for many, weekend naps often are doable. Do them! Take the time to refill your “sleep bank” so you don’t suffer mentally, emotionally and hormonally.


Enjoy whipping up your own version of sensual rituals  and practice them with gusto. Your resulting radiance, confidence and magnetism will  turn heads. Once you have your sense of sexiness in order, start implementing even more TANTRA  in the bedroom to take things to the next level. 










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