Being in the Present Moment is key in understanding tantric sexuality.
Charismatic people like Bill Clinton, Barack Obama, and Oprah all live in the present moment. They are fully there – centred with the intense focus that being present creates. Many folks aren’t used to being the unequivocal focus of another person’s energy or are not even aware and so when it happens, the recipient of that attention feels special.
When listening fully to another as an equal no matter their age, race, or sex, do not go into multi-think. Keep steady eye-contact without staring but do break it s before it gets too intense. Also, being there will make you more open and naturally inquisitive. Instinctively, when you are Present things catch your eye and people become more interesting. Pick a few of these ideas and choose the ones that work best for you:
- Focus on where it’s at. Right in front of you, or around you. And even on you. Use your senses and look right now at what is in front of you. Can you hear the sounds about you? Touch your face and focus on how the skin feels.
- Be aware. Thinking about the past and future comes to you naturally. That’s fine. Just become more aware of those thoughts. Awareness will bring change…change will bring you into the present.
- Do not be harsh. If you think about the past or future, do not be stern with yourself! Don’t try to push those thoughts out of your head. Instead, be aware of them, and gradually allow them to go away. Then bring yourself back to the present.
- Eating is a time to eat. The best way to think about being present is to do just one thing at a time. When you are eating, don’t make a mental list of things to do. Pay attention and enjoy what you’re eating, do it slowly. This goes for any mundane task: mowing the lawn, taking a shower, driving, working, playing. In other words, multi- tasking is highly over-rated.
- Zazen. The core of Zen practice is seated meditation that in turn is simply sitting. You don’t have to contemplate about anything, nor even chant. Strive to be aware of the stream of thoughts, allowing them to arise and pass without interference. In other words, just sit and focus on sitting. This is a very useful and positive practice.
- Do Exercises. Exercise is a wonderful practice. If running is your choice, then run and only run. The secret is to focus on running, on breathing, on nothing but the present which is simply running.
- Everyday routines. Again, be aware of your stream of thoughts. When you do laundry, this is practice, your meditation. When you walk your dog, focus on walking that task alone. Make anything you do into practice.
- Use reminders. Place a reminder where it will be visible, on your fridge, on your computer desktop, in your car. Any place you will notice to keep your focus on practicing being present.
- No failure. Everybody messes up at times. Over time, the only thing of importance is that you practice, and in the end, if you keep doing it, you will learn to focus on the present more often than you do now. Say to yourself “I cannot fail”, even if you stop doing it for awhile. You have the right to celebrate every little success. Doing it at all is success.
- Keep practicing. Frustrated? Just take a deep breath. No magical formula exists except “stick with it”.